I’m ready for Siri to tell me that I’m too drunk to send a text. I wish that she would yell at me and tell me I’m going to regret that in the morning.
Two and a half months ago I told my ex he was an asshole and I hated him. We haven’t spoken since. That is until last night, when my drunk ass made a fool of myself asking him if he ever really cared about me. Even in my drunken state, I quickly apologized and told him to forget I asked something like that, but it was too late.
Kiley, Bradley and I went out to a birthday party last night. We pre-gamed at Kiley’s with vodka shots and headed out to the first bar around 10. Around 9 PM every Friday at least one of us is in contact with the boys, but last weekend we bailed on them. Me and Bradley quickly realized that so long as Sam and TJ had feelings for us, we wouldn’t be able to meet new people with them around.
I decided to ask Sam if they guys were mad at us. He said no, but that lately everyone is saying that we need to take a break and that we’re too codependent on each other. I agreed and told him that I think him and TJ need time to move on from us and that I didn’t really know how he felt because I always heard it secondhand.
I received this text in response: “Sorry, I know I’m not the most direct person, but how I feel is this – I like you and always have. There is no one I enjoy hanging out with more because you crack me up and call me retarded when I get lost in the Beverly Center, and whenever there’s something on my mind, I know I can tell you about it. At the end of the day, if you were to ask me if I could be with anyone, it would be you.”
Basically the nicest thing any one has ever said to me and I still didn’t feel anything for him. I feel like I sit here and complain about wanting a guy like that and yet, when it happens, I don’t want it. I think it would be different with the right person, but I haven’t found that yet.
Needless to say, I took that moment to get absolutely wasted, which leaded to the dreaded backslide conversation with Jason, my ex.
We ended up at, The Surly Goat, a dive bar by The Grove, where I proceeded to meet some French guys and danced the rest of the night away with them. Me and Bradley headed back to Kiley’s and slept through our hangovers.
Today I woke up with a text from Jason and from Sam and I realized that I would have to deal with my drunken mistakes. I made a short casual conversation that ended quickly with Jason and avoided a face-to-face conversation with Sam because I flat out told him that I would never be more than friends with him. I knew it would kill me to have to say it to his face.
All I can say is that I am mad at myself for backsliding, but I’m happy I finally made Sam realize that he needs to move on.