Friend Updates

I’m sure that you have already forgotten all of the lovely characters in my blog, but that’s why there is a character page. So, go back and read up on them.

This post is dedicated to updating you quickly about all of their lives in the most shameful and embarrassing ways. Because I’m a dick.

Marina lost her job, but of course being Marina landed a new job in the IT world before her last day at her old job. Was I jealous? Yes, don’t ask stupid questions.

Kiley Kiley Kiley. I need to save the longer story for a new post because it’s pretty dramatic and important that I tell you start to finish. Basically, I yelled at her. A lot. For being a pain in my ass.

Dave is no longer a bartender! He has sold his soul to the entertainment industry. Welcome, friend.

TJ is still bothered by the little things in life. He finally got over his crush on Bradley and has been seeing this new girl. I know very little about her, but it can’t be too serious because on New Years Eve he uninvitingly shoved his tongue into my mouth… AWKWARD. Oh and congrats to TJ for getting a job as a talent manager!

Sam. Remember when I told the story of our one date? I can’t escape it. Also saving for another post as it is a long story, the only thing  you need to know is that I am now seeing Dave, Sam and TJ’s new roommate, Chaz. Maybe I will introduce him tomorrow.

Carol is now working for a non-profit. She is a much happier person although she is still a sarcastic bitch.

All things are the same with Gabe, except we now have a writing group together every Monday night.

Nothing new to report about Hank.

Liv moved away guys! Such a sad day, but she’s rich as fuck and left to travel the world, and now she’s teaching ski lessons in Vermont. Very Swanky. I will probably take her out of my characters page, but updates will still randomly come.

Finally, Julie is going to be moved to a regular character on my blog. Julie and I are starting a lifestyle blog. Surprise! It is going to launch in a couple months, but I guess you’ll just have to figure out what it is. Julie is still working for a teen mag and hooking up with Dave at random moments. Sometimes she gets drunk and kisses TJ too.

I know it’s a lot to take in, but me and my friend, just living the poor life in LA. Comment if you want to know anything about any of the characters. I will be happy to fill you in.

And It’s Been Awhile

That title makes me want to sing a Staind song.

I apologize that I have not updated this blog in forever, but alas, life has gotten in the way and on top of my job at the talent agency, I have been writing for a website (and getting paid for it)! Unfortunately, since I use my real name on the website you won’t ever know if what you’re reading is actually mine. So there’s that.

Boy, I actually don’t know where to begin this blog.

1. Let’s start with the last post that I posted. I probably won’t meet a boy. You know what I’ve learned in the past three months? The moment you stop giving two fucks about men, they will come at you from all angles. AND the more you don’t care, the more they want to talk to you. It’s completely absurd and I don’t know why life is like that. So give it a shot because I was asked out on three dates in one week. Did I go on all of them. Nope because I really don’t give a fuck. It’s not an act. I went on one of them though about 3 weeks ago and I am still talking to the same guy, which is basically a record for me. But more on the Chaz situation on another day.

2. I probably won’t quit my job. Nope, sorry to say that this has not happened yet. I worked so hard over winter breaking on freelancing for two different places and ended up making a lot of extra cash though. So, I’ve determined so long as I continue writing like i have been then I will feel okay about my job and stop complaining.

3. I haven’t lost weight. maybe one pound because I’m busy as fuck and don’t have time to eat, but yeah nope. Too lazy for that.

4. Clearly I haven’t been posting every week. I promise I will work on that.

5. I have stopped smoking in my car. Oh a round of applause? Why thank you.

Until next time,

Bye Betches

Welcome to 24

Last week was my 24th birthday. I would like to make a list of all the things I wish to accomplish, but every time I make lists I end up avoiding the things I actually wrote down.

However what’s the point of posting if I’m not going to share all the things I probably won’t do this year.

1. I probably won’t meet a new guy, but I need to because the one that I have is useless and likes to work more than he likes me. Meeting a guy in LA, who doesn’t completely suck, is almost an impossible task (you think I’m joking? I’m fucking serious. Everyone in “the industry” is very annoying and only cares about themselves).  Considering I’m too scared to online date, and too poor to go out this probably won’t happen.

2. I probably won’t quit my job. I am not cut out for the agent life. I am an asshole but I’m not a mean person and I never have been. It takes someone who is a complete dick to be a talent agent. Once a day my boss says to be more aggressive…um no sir, I won’t. I like my attitude just the way it is. Thanks.

3. I probably won’t lose weight. Here’s the problem with this. I get up, eat breakfast and leave for work at 8:30. I don’t get off work till 7 PM. The very last thing i want to do before and after that 11 hour span is exercise. I have TRIED to wake up early and it’s pointless. My body is basically like, “Um please fuck off I’m still sleeping.” After work, if I work out, then I won’t eat dinner till 9 at night. So this all goes back to needing to quit my job…basically.

4. I probably won’t post on this every week. I would like to write on this way more often than I have been, but surprisingly I don’t have much to say on my own life that would be able to inspire you… I only boost people’s already awesome egos.

5. I probably won’t quit smoking cigarettes. This one is interesting. I actually don’t really care if i smoke. I could actually go a while without smoking, but I choose not to. You know how people get more and more addicted, well I can sufficiently say that one pack of cigarettes lasts about a week and a half for me… which compared to actual smokers is pretty fucking good. So, I definitely don’t see that ending.

6. I probably won’t finish this post. I’m serious guys, I’ve had this post in my drafts for almost a month now. I have problems.

Happy birthday to me.

10

That One Time Julie and Dave Fucked…And Everyone Freaked Out

Meet Dave: Dave is a nice guy, has a tendency to sleep around and date multiple girls at once.

Now Meet Julie: Since Julie works for a teen magazine, she never has to grow up. This means when she drinks, she is out of control.

On the characters page, I wrote a brief summary of my group of friends. To sum it up, Kiley met Dave at a bar, they hit it off and everyone came together as friends because of them. Kiley had a major crush on Dave, but Dave was worried that anything more than a friendship would tear the group a part. As a result Kiley took her feelings and shoved them somewhere, somewhere being the bottom of a vodka bottle.

One night, everyone was drunk, as we are most nights. We all hung out at the boys house and I noticed Julie and Dave drunkenly conversing on the couch. and that was the end of the night. I got home, went to bed and woke up ready for brunch with my friends.

As we sat at the table I looked over at Julie. I noticed her make-up was all over her face, her hair was in disarray  and she was wearing the same clothes from the previous night. I leaned over to Sam:

Me: So, whose bed did Julie end up in last night?
Sam: I really don’t want to point fingers, but… (points to Dave)

I quickly texted her under the table.

Me: DID YOU AND DAVE FUCK LAST NIGHT
Julie: Ugh, yes… 😦
Me: I wouldn’t tell Kiley.

Inevitably, in a close knit group, Kiley found out about 20 minutes later.

Now, I pride myself on staying far away from the drama, albeit airing our dirty laundry on this site, but EVERYONE lost their shit. To this day, I have no idea how it escalated the way that it did, but:

Dave told Kiley that she needed to get over him because he was sick of her getting upset.
Kiley, who wasn’t even that upset, told Dave not to have sex with all her friends unless he was seriously into one of them.
Sam was openly gossiping about it when Kiley yelled at him and told him to mind his own damn business.
Julie texted Kiley and apologized and tried to blame Dave for the whole situation.
Instead of telling Kiley what she needed to hear, Liv tried to stray away from conversations about the topic, only making Kiley more mad.

and where was I? Smoking a cigarette.

My Best Friend is “Trying”

My best friend from back home is trying to have her second child. Granted, she was knocked up by a huge d-bag when she was 19 and had her first child at 20. However, now she is almost 24 and married (to a different guy) who adopted her child and is raising him as his own. I know, how does one find a boyfriend when said person is pregnant? I will never know.

I called her last night and we talked for about three hours. Here’s a couple things you should know about this friendship.

When we were in high school me and my friend, Mia, went to a house party. I decided to bring along this guy Greg because I wanted to hook up with him. We got to the party and I ran into a different boy I’d had a crush on forever. I decided that I really didn’t want to hook up with Greg and told Mia she should definitely go for him! He was cute, nice, and so on. Little did I know, four years and a horrible on-and-off relationship later, she would get knocked up and he would break up with her by writing her a note in her diary.

Technically, and I say technically in the most liberal way possible, her baby, her marriage and her life is all because of me. I don’t really know whether that is a good or a bad thing, but we will pretend that it’s great.

I never thought that I would get to an age where people were trying to get pregnant. I never thought about planned pregnancies as a thing until last night. She told me that I should find someone and settle down. In my mind, finding someone feels like the end of my own life. It’s not even that I’m not trying to find someone, but in Los Angeles, no one is focused on serious relationships until way later in life. Every time I blink another year goes by and I don’t seem to be progressing at all.

Today I decided to be happy about my life. I have a new job and I will be getting a weekend job on top of that to make the amount of money I need to live and OKCupid told me today that I’m one of the hottest people on the site… GREAT. I’m going to make a whole post about the best OKC messages I’ve received… It’s very sad.

10
10

Dating a Friend

Today Kiley sent me a link to this website called 40 Days of Dating. The premise of the site is that two good friends were going to date each other for 40 days and see what happened. Are they going to fall in love? Will they end up hating each other?

Tim, the guy has a problem committing in relationships and Jessica falls for guys in an instant. Both of them have not been able to hold on to a relationship.

When I read this, I kept trying to think about what it would be like for me to do this with a friend. I don’t think think that I could become physically attracted to them. I’ve tried to envision myself with my two best male friends from college. One is a man-slut who has slept with way to many women to count and the other one is, well, bald. Anyways, I found the idea very interesting and spent an hour or so reading the entire site. I can’t wait to see how it ends for them. It made me realize that I should be going on more dates and meeting more people.

That’s my random thoughts for the day. Do you think if friends try to become more romantically involved they will fall in love?

10

The Dreaded Backslide

I’m ready for Siri to tell me that I’m too drunk to send a text. I wish that she would yell at me and tell me I’m going to regret that in the morning.

Two and a half months ago I told my ex he was an asshole and I hated him. We haven’t spoken since. That is until last night, when my drunk ass made a fool of myself asking him if he ever really cared about me. Even in my drunken state, I quickly apologized and told him to forget I asked something like that, but it was too late.

Kiley, Bradley and I went out to a birthday party last night. We pre-gamed at Kiley’s with vodka shots and headed out to the first bar around 10. Around 9 PM every Friday at least one of us is in contact with the boys, but last weekend we bailed on them. Me and Bradley quickly realized that so long as Sam and TJ had feelings for us, we wouldn’t be able to meet new people with them around.

I decided to ask Sam if they guys were mad at us. He said no, but that lately everyone is saying that we need to take a break and that we’re too codependent on each other. I agreed and told him that I think him and TJ need time to move on from us and that I didn’t really know how he felt because I always heard it secondhand.

I received this text in response: “Sorry, I know I’m not the most direct person, but how I feel is this – I like you and always have. There is no one I enjoy hanging out with more because you crack me up and call me retarded when I get lost in the Beverly Center, and whenever there’s something on my mind, I know I can tell you about it. At the end of the day, if you were to ask me if I could be with anyone, it would be you.”

Basically the nicest thing any one has ever said to me and I still didn’t feel anything for him. I feel like I sit here and complain about wanting a guy like that and yet, when it happens, I don’t want it. I think it would be different with the right person, but I haven’t found that yet.

Needless to say, I took that moment to get absolutely wasted, which leaded to the dreaded backslide conversation with Jason, my ex.

We ended up at, The Surly Goat, a dive bar by The Grove, where I proceeded to meet some French guys and danced the rest of the night away with them. Me and Bradley headed back to Kiley’s and slept through our hangovers.

Today I woke up with a text from Jason and from Sam and I realized that I would have to deal with my drunken mistakes. I made a short casual conversation that ended quickly with Jason and avoided a face-to-face conversation with Sam because I flat out told him that I would never be more than friends with him. I knew it would kill me to have to say it to his face.

All I can say is that I am mad at myself for backsliding, but I’m happy I finally made Sam realize that he needs to move on.

10

The Sam Story

I love my group of friends. In fact we are all so codependent on each other that we rarely go a day without a big group text that lasts throughout the entire day. 

The first time I met Sam I was on the rebound from my ex. There’s really only a couple things you need to know about Sam. 

A. He is the nicest guy you will ever meet.

B. He speaks very slowly and talks a lot, leading you to want to punch him in the face sometimes. SPIT IT OUT SAM. 

C. He’s basically a dad. Makes dad jokes and just wants to find a girl to date long-term.

We went to dinner and then to a comedy show. Here’s the thing about someone you date, I’m about to drop a huge bomb on you: YOU HAVE TO LOVE THE PERSONS LAUGH. There is nothing worse than being with someone when you can’t stand their laugh. So at the end of the night we kissed, said goodbye and that was the end of it. So I thought. 

Sam never expressed to me how he felt. EVER. The next time he asked to hang out I actually had plans with friends. The next time, I was leaving for a long vacation early the next morning. When you have a group of close friends like we do, you can’t tell one person something without the rest of us finding out. 

After I got back from vacation, I hear that I’ve been leading Sam on. Now we barely talked after that night. We had just met and I knew nothing about him. I decided to ignore it and let the whole thing fizzle out and hopefully he would just accept it. That didn’t happen. Finally out one night with all our friends, I pull him aside and tell him that I’m sorry if he felt like I lead him on, but that I wasn’t interested in him as more than a friend and when friends date within each other, bad things happen. 

For the next four months, he would get drunk and profess his love for me to everyone except me. I don’t know whether to feel bad for Sam or not. He’s been hooking up with other people along the way, but I try not to do anything that would suggest I’m interested in any way. I’ve started to give him more and more space so that he can find someone he really likes. I hope that means with him not around as often I can find someone new as well. 

 
10

A Little Self-Deprecation Never Hurt Anyone

My name is Sara and three months ago I was laid off from my first post-college job.

I moved to Los Angeles to become a respected entertainment journalist. Respected may be a bit of a joke, but I wanted to write about the entertainment world, cover red carpets, review movies and enjoy living in the celebrity world. Instead, I was writing blogs that companies paid us to write. With several company changes, my boss was fired, I was placed in a whole new position and then was offered full-time making no money. So, when I was finally told that they didn’t have the money to keep me, I was relieved. That is, until I realized that no one wanted to hire me.

Yes, I am going through a quarter-life crisis. I’m unemployed, single and the only thing that I love about my life is my friends, who are also just as miserable in their minimum wage jobs as I am.

So what’s next? I have applied for over 100 jobs since I’ve been let go and got four interviews so far. I don’t really know what I want to do anymore, but I freelance write on the side to make ends meet. I live in a two bedroom apartment with my college roommate who I used to be friends with, but since we moved here she’s stopped talking to me, except for the occasional passive aggressive text message. I started writing this blog because everyone in their 20’s can relate to us. Jobs pay absolute shit now and the cost of living is at an all time high. I hope that this blog provides a fun escape for those who are in the same position and help older people understand that we’re not a generation of spoiled kids living off their parents. I’ve done above and beyond what I can to get hired, but the competition is so high that I don’t have very many options.

Besides the whole job thing, I used to have a boyfriend. He only cared about his work and at first I really liked that about him, but he would only allow himself to see me 1-2 times a week max. This went on for a year. To this day, I never spent a full 24 hours with him. He ended it when I asked him to spend a Sunday watching movies. He said he didn’t have the time to waste hanging out with me and he just wanted to work. So, that ended things quickly, except for the fun fact that I worked with him. So, getting laid off actually helped me get over that relationship. Lesson learned, never shit where you eat.

I guess that’s enough for now. I can’t tell you my entire life story in one post. You’ll want to come back for some juicy stories, because trust me, I have them.